The Inside – Outside Match

A friend of mine recently sent me a book by Maxwell Maltz MD, FICS, called Psycho Cybernetics. You probably haven’t heard of the man or the book – I certainly hadn’t. The paperback was first published in USA in 1969: the copy I was sent was the 33rd printing and was priced at $1.95!

Maxwell Maltz was an internationally-renowned plastic surgeon. He noticed that, while some of his patients made huge changes to their lives when they had had cosmetic surgery, others didn’t. This led him into what he called Psycho-Cybernetics which, in very simple terms, can be described as “self image psychology”.

Right there in the preface to his book, Maltz says, “When you change a man’s face you almost invariably change his future. Change his physical image and nearly always change the man – his personality, his behavior – and sometimes even his basic talents and abilities.” He realised that if people’s mental and emotional image of themselves did not change in line with their new physical appearance, then there would not be that enormous positive change. However handsome a man may be after plastic surgery to remove a physical defect or serious scars or whatever – if he still thinks of himself as ugly, that is how he will see himself, and his world (and behaviour) will be shaped accordingly

I find exactly the same thing with the work I do with my clients, in fact I expect and encourage positive changes. For instance, I work with people who are seriously obese. Many of them have endured years of being told that they’re fat, lazy, good for nothing, ugly and so on. All of those negatives have a very powerful impact on that individual’s self-esteem, on their very soul.

I work from the inside out. One client of mine was almost in tears when we had our first chat because I focused on the emotional reasons why she was holding on to excess weight rather than telling her to eat less and do more exercise. Several sessions on, this lady understands why she is holding onto her excess weight – and that she no longer needs it. She has dealt with issues of anger and frustration to do with work and family. She has re-discovered her true self, regained her inner confidence and power, and has re-joined her local slimming club knowing she is in absolutely the right frame of mind to make it work. And, of course, it is! She is back in control of her life, her body knows what is expected of it and is responding accordingly.

Maxwell Maltz was absolutely right – the inside has to match the outside. The only difference is, he worked from the outside in, and I work from the inside out!

If you would like to know more, get in touch. Call me on 07597 020 512 or email me on:  judy@effective-hypnotherapy.co.uk . I’m always happy to have a chat, totally free and totally confidential.

I work from Vinings Natural Health Centre in Haywards Heath, West Susse

Getting the Message

Getting the message – it’s a huge topic. Where to start?

As I sat and waited for all the many random thoughts pinging around my head to get into some sort of order and start dripping down the filter into my consciousness – or in this case, into my fingers and onto the computer screen, I was struck by the music I was listening to (vintage Roy Orbison, actually). The full sound came from the main speaker, and then a beautiful section came from the speaker behind my left ear, followed by the answering section from behind my right ear.

And somehow, that clicked. It’s not only what The Big O was singing that mattered, but what I was hearing – and how I interpreted that – which affected my overall experience.

There’s another article to be written about information overload (note to self!) – but here I want to focus on the messages we receive from our parents, teachers and relations in our early years. Do those adults understand, I wonder, the huge effect their words can have on young, sensitive children?

I may be repeating this story, but it shocked me so much it bears telling again. I was in a local convenience store a while back, and a young boy aged around 6 or 7 was looking for a newspaper. The papers were not in a rack, but spread on a shelf almost at floor level, with a large pillar making things even more awkward (clearly newspapers were not a top seller!). As the boy picked up his paper and turned away, so some magazines dropped from the next shelf up. He started to put the magazines back, which was very good of him – but I was horrified to hear what he was saying to himself as he did it:

“You’re so clumsy, you’re always dropping things.”

“Stupid boy, why aren’t you more careful?”

“You can never do things right, can you?”

As I helped him to pick up the magazines that had fallen off the shelf, he looked at me as if he expected another verbal lashing. Instead, I smiled and assured him that everything was fine, it was only a few magazines, he was being very nice by putting them back, no harm was done. He looked confused, then embarrassed, as he left to pay for his paper.

I was left wondering just who had so effectively programmed this young boy that he repeated the phrases parrot-fashion in such a situation. Did they realise the damage they had done? That the boy would carry that programming with him as he grew up?

I have worked with a number of clients recently affected by getting the wrong message – or by being harshly programmed, like this little boy. The teacher who smirks, “well, you’ll never get very far at this rate,” or something similar. The father who never told his daughter she was pretty, and only praised her when she got top grades at school. The mother who told her daughter that men were evil and sex was a painful, horrible chore.  All lay the foundations for problems in the future as the child grows up and faces the dilemma of his / her reality and what he / she has been told.

By going back and finding out where those messages came from, and dealing with them at source, it is possible to free the client from those negative chains and allow them to move forward with a new set of messages that are far more relevant to their particular lives. It can be an emotional, tearful, journey – but getting rid of those outdated, non-serving messages is also hugely empowering.

If you feel that you or someone you know would benefit from releasing old programming, get in touch. Call me on 07597 020 512 or email me on:
judy@effective-hypnotherapy.co.uk . I’m always happy to have a chat, totally free and totally confidential.

I work from Vinings Natural Health Centre in Haywards Heath, West Sussex.