AN EMOTIONAL SYSTEM CAN CRASH TOO

Overload. Confusion. Fear. Anxiety. It can all be too much for your emotional system. If it feels like it might crash – support is needed!
Sessions with me don’t always involve hypnosis – although that can be a very useful way to uncover what is going on at an unconscious level.
Sometimes what is needed is time and space to download jumbled thoughts, to pick through them and sort out the gems from the rubbish that inevitably gets picked up along the way.
An experienced, active listener helps: someone who does not judge, who has no hidden agenda, who is not part of the friends & family circle.
My very first training was in psychotherapy and hypnotherapy and over the years I have added many other techniques to my toolkit including what some call “talking therapy” but which is perhaps better described as “listening therapy” with some pertinent questions popped in at just the right moment to help the client find clarity, and come to conclusions.

Right now, with the strange cocktail of circumstances and situations that we find ourselves in, our emotional systems can easily overheat and go into overload. If you feel yours is about to crash – get some support now.
I offer Skype or phone sessions until face-to-face sessions are once more allowed. Give me a call for an initial chat – it’s totally free, and there is no commitment at all.  01444 459 433 or 07597 020 512.

3 KEY QUESTIONS FOR ANY RELATIONSHIP

In any relationship, be in personal or business, there are good times and there are bumpy times. If the relationships are strong, then the issues can be aired in an open, respectful way. Misunderstandings can be sorted out, challenges can be met, problems resolved. But if the relationship is not built on strong foundations, then the slightest thing can cause small cracks to become gaping chasms.
Relationships can change over time without us really noticing. It takes something drastic to make us stop and look – and certainly this lockdown has been such a trigger.
Many people find themselves spending more time than usual with their partners. There are no distractions, no hiding places, so the focus is very much on getting along – or not.
Many others find themselves working from home instead of in an office – or perhaps not working at all. They have time to sit back and consider how they feel about their job – the stress, the time, the toll it has taken …

Whether we are talking about a personal relationship or a business one, there are just three key questions to ask yourself.
Allow yourself a bit of space and time to be still, to be calm and quiet, to check in with yourself honestly. You are connecting with that still, small voice inside, whatever you may call it – your Inner Self, your Higher Self, your Intuition. Listen to it and take notice of what it is telling you – don’t drown it out with a pile of “ifs” or “buts” – these are more distractions from the reality, the truth of your current situation.

1.     Am I happy in this relationship?
We could say that, if you are doing this exercise, we know the answer to this question, and that may well be right. Be honest, whatever pops into your head is the answer to go with.

2.    Is this a healthy relationship?
We now know that emotional health is very frequently – almost always – reflected in physical symptoms and issues. If you are in a relationship that is not healthy, then you may well be suffering from, say, high blood pressure, high cholesterol levels or other stress-related issues; your immune system may not be as strong as it could be. Any of these could indicate frustration, resentment, anger, a sense of being “battered and bruised” or treated unfairly.
You may have issues around your throat or mouth or eyes or ears (not being able to speak your truth; not liking what you are seeing or hearing).
Are you actively looking for diversions and distractions – alcohol, food, drugs? Another relationship? A hobby? Anything that takes you away from the person and / or the place?

3.      Is it likely that things will improve?
You may well need to sit and think about this and the sister question –
“do you really want things to improve?”
If we are talking about a business / work situation, then there may be two or three clear issues that are causing distress. Have you raised them with your line manager or HR or whoever is the most appropriate? If not, dare one ask, why not? Is there anything that you could do to improve things – be honest here, don’t just blame others when a bit of give and take could shift the situation.
If we are talking about a personal relationship, the process is basically the same. Can you clearly identify the key issues that are causing problems?
Have you raised these issues with your partner – not after a couple of bottles of red, but in a calm, rational way, each respecting the space and views of the other? Have you considered counselling or therapy, either as an individual or as a couple?

Once you have answered these three questions honestly, you will be in a much better position to know what your next steps need to be.
Sometimes, it can help to talk these things through with someone who is not in the family / friend circle. Someone who can actively listen without making any judgments but perhaps asking a few pertinent questions to allow you to come to your own conclusions.
Not all of my work needs to involve hypnosis – although it can be very useful in getting to what is going on at an unconscious level – and this is a perfect example of what I would call “talking therapy.

If you feel I might be able to help, give me a call on 01444 459 433 or 07597 020 512: no cost, no commitment, just a chat that might well change the way you look at things.

 

 

 

 

 

If you can’t go outside – go inside!

What does isolation mean to you? Do you see it as a punishment – or an opportunity? Are you one of those saying, “I’m bored!” or one of those saying, “I’ve never been so busy!”

Normally our days are full – work, family, social life, (anti) social media – distractions abound, so we don’t have time to just sit and “be”.
We are, after all, human BEings and not human DOings – but we seem to have forgotten that along the way!

Those who stuck at home may be starting to feel very uncomfortable with their own company, especially if they are used to being in a large office, or going out with friends.

This is a good opportunity to take time to get to know the real you, the one you perhaps avoided in the past. A bit like looking in the mirror, but looking much more deeply, into your soul, and finding that inner you that would love to shine like a beacon but that is probably a tad dimmed down through neglect.

How do you do that, and what will you find? You can do it in a number of ways, but they all involve being in that lovely state of relaxation that asks your conscious mind to get out of the way and allows your unconscious mind to roam free. For some people it could be a walk in the countryside or on a beach – social distancing rules permitting, of course. For others it may be sitting quietly and comfortably at home, with the mobile phone turned off – yes, really – and with some relaxing music to help the mind to settle.

Let your mind go as quiet and blank as you can. If thoughts float in, well, let them float right on out again, as if they are on clouds scudding across the sky. It will take a bit of practice, but once your mind gets the idea, it will be very happy to slow the pace and calm down.

Just sit and see what comes to you. It might be an emotion – which one? Anger? Frustration? Loneliness? Sit with it. Give it a colour, a shape, see where it comes from, what it wants to say to you. Does that sound silly? Probably, but try it anyway. You will be starting the process of “Peeling the emotional onion” and yes, it may well make you cry, be prepared for that. These are emotions that you have stuffed away for far too long, and that need to be released. Let them go, you don’t need them any more.

You may come up with some aspects of you that are not so nice, the ones you usually keep tucked away from other people. These are what we call “shadows” and we all have them. You can recognise them when you are with other people (remember that?) – if someone does or says something that irritates you, or makes you embarrassed – ask yourself why? Is there something in you that mirrors that?

This peeling of the emotional onion is an ongoing work in progress, it is never done, but with each layer that comes off, you will feel so much lighter. Just like those who are taking time to sort out a physical space and throw away the rubbish, so taking time to sort out your emotional space and getting rid of the stuff you no longer need is even healthier for you!

If you would like to have a chat about this, or any other aspect of your wellbeing at this time, give me a call: it can often help to talk with an experienced someone who does not have an agenda, who listens to what you have to say without judgment and who can perhaps offer a few suggestions if appropriate. I’m on 01444 459 433 or 07597 020 512.

The Inside – Outside Match

A friend of mine recently sent me a book by Maxwell Maltz MD, FICS, called Psycho Cybernetics. You probably haven’t heard of the man or the book – I certainly hadn’t. The paperback was first published in USA in 1969: the copy I was sent was the 33rd printing and was priced at $1.95!

Maxwell Maltz was an internationally-renowned plastic surgeon. He noticed that, while some of his patients made huge changes to their lives when they had had cosmetic surgery, others didn’t. This led him into what he called Psycho-Cybernetics which, in very simple terms, can be described as “self image psychology”.

Right there in the preface to his book, Maltz says, “When you change a man’s face you almost invariably change his future. Change his physical image and nearly always change the man – his personality, his behavior – and sometimes even his basic talents and abilities.” He realised that if people’s mental and emotional image of themselves did not change in line with their new physical appearance, then there would not be that enormous positive change. However handsome a man may be after plastic surgery to remove a physical defect or serious scars or whatever – if he still thinks of himself as ugly, that is how he will see himself, and his world (and behaviour) will be shaped accordingly

I find exactly the same thing with the work I do with my clients, in fact I expect and encourage positive changes. For instance, I work with people who are seriously obese. Many of them have endured years of being told that they’re fat, lazy, good for nothing, ugly and so on. All of those negatives have a very powerful impact on that individual’s self-esteem, on their very soul.

I work from the inside out. One client of mine was almost in tears when we had our first chat because I focused on the emotional reasons why she was holding on to excess weight rather than telling her to eat less and do more exercise. Several sessions on, this lady understands why she is holding onto her excess weight – and that she no longer needs it. She has dealt with issues of anger and frustration to do with work and family. She has re-discovered her true self, regained her inner confidence and power, and has re-joined her local slimming club knowing she is in absolutely the right frame of mind to make it work. And, of course, it is! She is back in control of her life, her body knows what is expected of it and is responding accordingly.

Maxwell Maltz was absolutely right – the inside has to match the outside. The only difference is, he worked from the outside in, and I work from the inside out!

If you would like to know more, get in touch. Call me on 07597 020 512 or email me on:  judy@effective-hypnotherapy.co.uk . I’m always happy to have a chat, totally free and totally confidential.

I work from Vinings Natural Health Centre in Haywards Heath, West Susse

Introducing Eric, the brain in your gut

We all know that we have a brain in our heads – but did you know that we have a second brain? And that it’s located in our gut? It’s official name is the Enteric Nervous System (ENS) – but I think Eric is easier to remember, don’t you?

Eric the ENS has at least 100 million neurons, which is about the same as a cat’s brain – and you know how smart cats can be! This brain is not a mass, as the brain in our head: rather it is a sort of mesh, or network, located under the mucosal lining and between the muscular layers of the esophagus, the stomach and the small and large intestines, so it is several metres long.

Eric the ENS is connected to the brain in our head by the Vagus Nerve, that runs from the abdomen to the brain. But if the Vagus Nerve is cut, Eric the ENS continues to function quite happily, controlling and co-ordinating the process of digestion and all that goes with it. In fact, some 90% of all the signals that pass along that Vagus Nerve are messages from Eric to the brain, and not from the brain to Eric – so it could be said that, actually, Eric’s in charge!

Just think for a moment of all the common expressions we use – “I’m gutted”; “it’s a gut reaction” “I can’t stomach it any more”; “I’ve got butterflies in my stomach” – to mention a few. These are all linked to responses from Eric the ENS to our moods and emotions: in fact it is often Eric the ENS who tells the head brain how we are feeling!

What does Eric the ENS do? Quite a lot, actually –

  • it controls the mechanical blending of food in the stomach, and ensures that the pH balance is right at various sections of the system. When we digest food it goes through a process where it is first broken down by an alkaline mix and then by a special acid mix: it is important to keep the two separate and both working as they should.
  • it identifies bad bacteria that may have got into the system via the digestive system (eg in something you have eaten). If the sensors on the gut wall detect something that shouldn’t be there, substances such as histamine are released. This alerts Eric to one of several responses – diarrhea perhaps, or a message up the Vagus Nerve to the head brain, who will trigger vomiting: both designed to get the bad stuff out of the system.
  • it produces as much dopamine (the pleasure and reward molecule) as the head brain.
  • it produces lots of serotonin too. Serotonin is the “feel good” molecule that helps counter depression and regulates sleep. Serotonin that is produced in the ENS passes into the blood stream and helps to repair damaged cells and supports processes such as bone density.

Considerable research is being done on the links between Eric the ENS and not only moods and emotions but also physical conditions. For instance, stress triggers the gut to produce more ghrelin, a hormone that reduces anxiety levels – but it also stimulates feelings of hunger. Hence comfort eating at times of worry and stress – blame it on Ghrelin the Gremlin! And when we have had enough, then PYY comes to the rescue – that’s the chemical that sends the message to the head brain that says, “I’m full.” But that takes the slow route – it can take up to 20 minutes for the brain to get that “I’m full” message, which is why we should eat slowly. Not only does it give Eric and his team time to digest the food in a more efficient way, but it allows time for the PYY to send the full message at the appropriate time, rather than when Eric has been bombarded with a pile of food that has to be sorted through, analysed and sent to the relevant areas for processing!

So next time you have butterflies in your stomach, or you have a gut reaction to something – think of Eric!

If you would like to know more about Eric – or any other aspect of my blend of hypnotherapy, past life regression and soul retrieval work – get in touch.
Call me on 07597 020 512 or email me on:  judy@effective-hypnotherapy.co.uk . I’m always happy to have a chat, totally free and totally confidential.

I work from Vinings Natural Health Centre in Haywards Heath, West Sussex.

related content:  weight loss

Case study: why would her children being sick cause such a reaction?

I just love past life regression work. The more I study and research and work with this fascinating subject, the more I realise that our past lives hold the key to so many areas of our current lives.

I recently worked with a lady who has two young children. She is happily married, and a loving, caring mother. Her issue was her “over-the-top” reaction when one of her children was physically sick. This went beyond natural concern into what she described as a phobia.

In a deep state of relaxation she went back to a life where she was a girl of about 10 or 11, she didn’t really know, almost the eldest of a large number of brothers and sisters living in squalor in one dark, dingy room in what seemed to be a large town. There were certainly “lots of other buildings” around. This little girl didn’t know where her parents were, her main concern every day was begging or stealing enough food to feed her siblings.

Having established the basic scenario – she had no idea where she was, what year it was, who was on the throne (what did any of that have to do with the life of a struggling peasant girl?), I moved her on to the time when the incident happened that had to do with sickness.

The little girl moved on only a year or so, and was totally distraught. All her siblings were really ill – they had fever, they were vomiting, they were dying. It seemed it wasn’t just her family – everyone was ill, everyone was dying. There were no doctors, they had all gone. The little girl felt helpless, she didn’t know what to do, she couldn’t stop her brothers and sisters dying in this pathetic one room, with the floor no doubt awash with vomit as well as dirt and despair.

The little girl was sobbing, she was having problems breathing, she was desperately upset. We had clearly found the source of the trauma, so I moved her on a few more years. She was the only one of the children to survive, and we caught up with her living in a cottage in the country with a family “but not my family”. She married and had three daughters, all of whom were fit and healthy, and she was a loving, caring mother.

I moved her on to the time of her death, and helped her pass over with lots of love, compassion and reassurance that there was nothing she could have done to help her siblings, she did all she could, it wasn’t her fault and so on. She found release from the trauma she had carried in that lifetime, and passed with a beautiful smile on her face.

Then I worked on the “now” person, and released the negative strands that she had brought forward from that lifetime, reinforcing the positive, loving aspects of her being and giving strong, positive suggestions too.

Result – one amazed but very happy client who (despite the little pile of soggy tissues) said she felt “lighter”, “clearer”, “happier” – and that was just on the day!

All in a day’s work – is it any wonder I just love what I do?

If you feel that you or someone you know would benefit from my blend of hypnotherapy, past life regression and soul retrieval work, get in touch.
Call me on 07597 020 512 or email me on:  judy@effective-hypnotherapy.co.uk . I’m always happy to have a chat, totally free and totally confidential.

I work from Vinings Natural Health Centre in Haywards Heath, West Sussex .Related text:  Past Life Regression

I need to see you “now!”

Some time ago now I saw a lady who called to say she needed to see me “now!” When she arrived, and I asked what the problem was, she said she didn’t know where to start, she really was all over the place. She said she didn’t like the person she had become; she wanted to go back to the person she used to be. She admitted that she sometimes had irrational outbursts of anger, directed at strangers, and she hated herself for it.

In a deep state of relaxation and working with her unconscious, we uncovered a beautiful loving spirit who had been with her for a very long time and who was taking good care of her. We also found a male spirit who had been curled up fast asleep – he was quite happy to move on to where he needed to be.

And then there was the other one, the one that was hiding, lurking, and did not really want to come out at all. When I asked how he influenced the client, he said, “I’m all the bad stuff.” I asked if he was the anger and again he said, “yes, I’m all the bad stuff.” After a bit of negotiation he too went on his way, and I then did some work to ensure all the final residues were gone, and the spaces cleansed and re-filled with lovely positive energy. The loving spirit had had her work cut out to keep him in check, and I felt sure that, with him out of the way, her  compassionate influence would be felt even more strongly.

When the client came back to the here and now, she was wide-eyed. She was very aware of all of the individual characters of the spirits, especially “the bad stuff”, and said she felt him leaving. I said that she should start to feel lighter in a couple of days and she laughed. “In a couple of days?” she said, “I feel lighter now, I feel fantastic!” 
She even phoned me the next day to confirm her new-found “lightness” and said, “something has definitely shifted, I haven’t felt this good in years!”

So if you have strange mood swings or irrational outbursts; if you don’t like the person you’ve become and would like to find the old you – give me a call on 07597 020 512 or email me on:  judy@effective-hypnotherapy.co.uk.
Perhaps you’ve picked up a spirit “passenger” along the way and helping it go home could well get you back on your pathway too!

I work from Vinings Natural Health Centre in Haywards Heath, West Sussex.

Related content:  Spirit Release Work

Getting the Message

Getting the message – it’s a huge topic. Where to start?

As I sat and waited for all the many random thoughts pinging around my head to get into some sort of order and start dripping down the filter into my consciousness – or in this case, into my fingers and onto the computer screen, I was struck by the music I was listening to (vintage Roy Orbison, actually). The full sound came from the main speaker, and then a beautiful section came from the speaker behind my left ear, followed by the answering section from behind my right ear.

And somehow, that clicked. It’s not only what The Big O was singing that mattered, but what I was hearing – and how I interpreted that – which affected my overall experience.

There’s another article to be written about information overload (note to self!) – but here I want to focus on the messages we receive from our parents, teachers and relations in our early years. Do those adults understand, I wonder, the huge effect their words can have on young, sensitive children?

I may be repeating this story, but it shocked me so much it bears telling again. I was in a local convenience store a while back, and a young boy aged around 6 or 7 was looking for a newspaper. The papers were not in a rack, but spread on a shelf almost at floor level, with a large pillar making things even more awkward (clearly newspapers were not a top seller!). As the boy picked up his paper and turned away, so some magazines dropped from the next shelf up. He started to put the magazines back, which was very good of him – but I was horrified to hear what he was saying to himself as he did it:

“You’re so clumsy, you’re always dropping things.”

“Stupid boy, why aren’t you more careful?”

“You can never do things right, can you?”

As I helped him to pick up the magazines that had fallen off the shelf, he looked at me as if he expected another verbal lashing. Instead, I smiled and assured him that everything was fine, it was only a few magazines, he was being very nice by putting them back, no harm was done. He looked confused, then embarrassed, as he left to pay for his paper.

I was left wondering just who had so effectively programmed this young boy that he repeated the phrases parrot-fashion in such a situation. Did they realise the damage they had done? That the boy would carry that programming with him as he grew up?

I have worked with a number of clients recently affected by getting the wrong message – or by being harshly programmed, like this little boy. The teacher who smirks, “well, you’ll never get very far at this rate,” or something similar. The father who never told his daughter she was pretty, and only praised her when she got top grades at school. The mother who told her daughter that men were evil and sex was a painful, horrible chore.  All lay the foundations for problems in the future as the child grows up and faces the dilemma of his / her reality and what he / she has been told.

By going back and finding out where those messages came from, and dealing with them at source, it is possible to free the client from those negative chains and allow them to move forward with a new set of messages that are far more relevant to their particular lives. It can be an emotional, tearful, journey – but getting rid of those outdated, non-serving messages is also hugely empowering.

If you feel that you or someone you know would benefit from releasing old programming, get in touch. Call me on 07597 020 512 or email me on:
judy@effective-hypnotherapy.co.uk . I’m always happy to have a chat, totally free and totally confidential.

I work from Vinings Natural Health Centre in Haywards Heath, West Sussex.

 

Rules of engagement for an argument

With the pressures of being cooped up with someone building, it is almost inevitable that, just like a pressure cooker, the lid will explode, something has to give.

If you find yourself in this situation, it might help to bear in mind a few basic rules for a constructive argument. Is there such a thing as a constructive argument? Sure there is,
as long as you have a clear understanding of why you are going into it and what you want to come out the other side.

Here are my basic guidelines:

  1. Never argue on alcohol – it always ends in tears.
  2. If you can, choose the time and place. A crowded restaurant (remember those?) or a family get-together are not the best times to discuss, or argue about, personal issues.
    Know when to argue, and when to walk away.
  3. If you are the one who is “starting the argument”, if there is something that you want to clear the air about, then be very clear what that issue is, what your grievance is.
  4. If something crops up that you feel needs to be discussed, do it as soon as you can.
    Don’t let it fester so that you chuck it into the pot at a later date – “and another thing …”
  5. Stick to the key issue. Don’t bring up “stuff” from weeks or months ago. Don’t bring other
    people into it unless they are very relevant. Don’t get emotional – stick to the facts.
  6. If it is not you that has “started the argument”, respect the fact that, to the other person, it is important enough to warrant that. Engage, don’t say things like, “oh not that again …”
  7. Listen to what the other person is saying. Really listen. If it helps, feed it back – “so what you are saying is …..” . That tells them that you are taking it seriously, and helps to avoid any misunderstandings.
  8. Not all communication is verbal. As well as listening, look at the other person’s body language, their expressions – as they will be doing to you, too.
  9. If you are arguing with someone you know well, you know their triggers, you know how to press their buttons. Don’t do it. This is not the time for hurtful comments, insults or personal remarks that you may well regret later.
  10. When you talk, keep your voice down, don’t shout. Talk softly, and a little more slowly than you usually would. That encourages the other person to listen, and to take in what you are saying. It also avoids hurtling headlong into a loud, shouty slanging match.
  11. If the other person starts going off track, bringing in other issues, red herrings – call it out.
    Bring them back to centre, calmly and quietly. “Can we get back to talking about …..”
  12. Explain to the other person the result of what they do – it may be that they simply don’t understand. “When you do (A), I interpret that as (B) and that makes me feel (C) …”
  13. Find some common ground. Compromise. Maintain the relationship. Right now, if you are cooped up together, that is more important than ever.
  14. Remember the good things about the other person. Bring the argument to a definite close with some definite conclusions. Then go and get some fresh air, blow that stale energy away and get on with your lives!

Coping with Coronavirus Confinement

When all is well in our lives – when there is financial security: everyone is healthy: and we can come and go as we please – then it is very easy to “paper over the cracks”, to ignore those pressure points in a relationship.

When all is not well, the pressure builds and the cracks become very obvious.
In this current situation when we all have to stay at home, when couples – and families – are being forced to spend more time together than they usually do – we have all the ingredients for a storm.

“Out there” there is an atmosphere of anxiety and fear, not helped by the media and their screaming panic-peddling headlines. The energy is heavy, oppressive and negative – it’s a good job the sun is shining (as I write this at least!) – that helps to lift the spirits.

Nowadays our lives are very full – stress and deadlines at work; children have their own social agendas that need to be organised; running the household is a job in itself. Shopping, socialising, sport – it all fills up our waking hours. And much of it serves as a distraction from looking at what’s going on inside ourselves, from listening to that little voice that begs to be heard.

Those who now have time on their hands might find it increasingly uncomfortable. They will call it boring, they will say they are stifled, frustrated and so on – but perhaps they don’t like the idea of having to sit with themselves. To those people, I would say, “what is it that you are finding uncomfortable? What is it that wants to be heard?” And perhaps more important, “what are you going to do about it?”

This whole situation marks a massive energy shift, a huge change, and things will not go back to the way they were. It is an opportunity to work with ourselves, to look at who we are and, more importantly, who we would like to be. It can be an uncomfortable process, peeling that emotional onion, taking off the layers of pretence and show to discover the real you underneath. But as uncomfortable as it is, it is also enormously empowering, and stepping into the power of the true you gives you a new-found confidence and self-awareness that does not come from designer business outfits or a new drop-top car; from alcohol or drugs.

For those who are forced into spending more time than usual with a partner, the situation is equally challenging. Little cracks in a relationship can so easily become gaping chasms. Minor irritations grow into major issues. If you are sensitive, empathic or intuitive, this will be more likely, as you will be picking up on “stuff” that is flying around you.
This could be a very good opportunity to take time and discuss those issues that keep coming up but that keep being shelved because there is never time or space to do them justice. Keep it polite. Don’t bring up issues from years ago unless they are really relevant. Keep emotion out of it – stick to the facts. Don’t just hurl random accusations – back up your statements with examples. Listen. Really listen. Don’t talk over the other person. We are all allowed one walk a day – use it wisely! Go for a walk in the park, get some fresh air, blow away the cobwebs, talk about what is troubling you.

Confinement can bring people together or it can drive them apart: recognise the opportunity for what it is and use it wisely.