In any relationship, be in personal or business, there are good times and there are bumpy times. If the relationships are strong, then the issues can be aired in an open, respectful way. Misunderstandings can be sorted out, challenges can be met, problems resolved. But if the relationship is not built on strong foundations, then the slightest thing can cause small cracks to become gaping chasms.
Relationships can change over time without us really noticing. It takes something drastic to make us stop and look – and certainly this lockdown has been such a trigger.
Many people find themselves spending more time than usual with their partners. There are no distractions, no hiding places, so the focus is very much on getting along – or not.
Many others find themselves working from home instead of in an office – or perhaps not working at all. They have time to sit back and consider how they feel about their job – the stress, the time, the toll it has taken …
Whether we are talking about a personal relationship or a business one, there are just three key questions to ask yourself.
Allow yourself a bit of space and time to be still, to be calm and quiet, to check in with yourself honestly. You are connecting with that still, small voice inside, whatever you may call it – your Inner Self, your Higher Self, your Intuition. Listen to it and take notice of what it is telling you – don’t drown it out with a pile of “ifs” or “buts” – these are more distractions from the reality, the truth of your current situation.
1. Am I happy in this relationship?
We could say that, if you are doing this exercise, we know the answer to this question, and that may well be right. Be honest, whatever pops into your head is the answer to go with.
2. Is this a healthy relationship?
We now know that emotional health is very frequently – almost always – reflected in physical symptoms and issues. If you are in a relationship that is not healthy, then you may well be suffering from, say, high blood pressure, high cholesterol levels or other stress-related issues; your immune system may not be as strong as it could be. Any of these could indicate frustration, resentment, anger, a sense of being “battered and bruised” or treated unfairly.
You may have issues around your throat or mouth or eyes or ears (not being able to speak your truth; not liking what you are seeing or hearing).
Are you actively looking for diversions and distractions – alcohol, food, drugs? Another relationship? A hobby? Anything that takes you away from the person and / or the place?
3. Is it likely that things will improve?
You may well need to sit and think about this and the sister question –
“do you really want things to improve?”
If we are talking about a business / work situation, then there may be two or three clear issues that are causing distress. Have you raised them with your line manager or HR or whoever is the most appropriate? If not, dare one ask, why not? Is there anything that you could do to improve things – be honest here, don’t just blame others when a bit of give and take could shift the situation.
If we are talking about a personal relationship, the process is basically the same. Can you clearly identify the key issues that are causing problems?
Have you raised these issues with your partner – not after a couple of bottles of red, but in a calm, rational way, each respecting the space and views of the other? Have you considered counselling or therapy, either as an individual or as a couple?
Once you have answered these three questions honestly, you will be in a much better position to know what your next steps need to be.
Sometimes, it can help to talk these things through with someone who is not in the family / friend circle. Someone who can actively listen without making any judgments but perhaps asking a few pertinent questions to allow you to come to your own conclusions.
Not all of my work needs to involve hypnosis – although it can be very useful in getting to what is going on at an unconscious level – and this is a perfect example of what I would call “talking therapy.
If you feel I might be able to help, give me a call on 01444 459 433 or 07597 020 512: no cost, no commitment, just a chat that might well change the way you look at things.